A Commercial

This is for my stand up show in Charleston SC on july 18th at Theatre99 10pm.






But tickets for the Charleston show here! Thank you.


And July 30th (special thursday night show) I will be in Boston at a place called Mottley's at 8pm.

Tickets for Boston show are here!



Thank you.

चर्लेस्तों साउथ कैरोलाइना!

It's time again for stand-up in Chucktown!


My favorite place.


The show is Saturday July 18th 10pm at Theatre 99

Tickets are only $10 bucks and I feel like I'm worth maybe $11.50. So its a recession special.

Tickets are here

JULY 18th.

Always fun. Big long ass set of comedy.

thanks

kenny

उह..बुद्दी?

"A 25-year-old Egyptian man cut off his own penis to spite his family after he was refused permission to marry a girl from a lower class family, police reported Sunday." - AP


Read this story on 1010wins.com


Apparently they couldn't re-attach it. He's done.


He had it all wrong.

My family has punished me before. Grounded me, even took away my allowance or not let me go to a Knicks game here and there...but I've never cut my penis off because of it.

I try to just picture the process of cutting off one's penis and how long it takes. For some reason I always picture these guys using plastic forks to cut them off.



I think as a general rule - never cut your penis off in protest.

Not only will it do absolutely nothing for your cause, but you won't have a penis anymore.


No penis.





No freakin penis.

It could be worse

Hey.

This video is 2 mins 44 seconds too long!

Look:






There's no way they are enjoying themselves. They can't be. Too many moves.


They deliver the news.

If I was in this video, the name of it would be "The Last Thing Kenny Zimlinghaus Did Before He Ended It All"

Actually, since everyone seems to find my last name difficult to spell, the headline would read "The Last Thing Kenny Dingringdraws Did Before He Shot himself"

Yeah, I changed a couple of parts.



Let's just get through the day.

Hi.

I can't believe people are still buying the Craftmatic Adjustable Bed?



The thing is like 6 grand????!!!!!!

Buy a pillow or sit up. You don't need an engine in your bed get up. You need a back muscle. Maybe a little will to live.


And people are all fired up now about memory foam mattresses.



I don't want my mattress to remember anything.


Mattress: "Hey, do you remember last week?"

Me: "Uh..."

Mattress: "I do. I've never seen someone search the web so quickly with so much Vaseline on their hands"

If you've never been here, please check out EVERYTHING!

Thanks

Helloooo.

Big Headline today: Chimp attack!!!



This ends kind of sad. But, Travis the chimp could eat at the table and drink from a glass, but he attacked someone out of nowhere and had to be put down. Just check out how cool looking Travis was:




So wise.


Damn. Sorry to see him go. He looks so awesome. Wanna watch movies from Netflix instantly with him every day.

Man....

Can't believe this chimp flipped out. He was famous. He let it get to his head.

Bye Travis.



Now let's look at some great chimp pics:




Brings tears to my eyes.




I used to work for this guy.



A Beautiful Mind.


See how this website works? Quick--easy.

Also --

I'll be doing stand up March 4-7 in Lexington KY if you are in the United States area you should come. The place is called Comedy Off Broadway.

Hello. It's monday.


I have a new song and if you'd like to hear it....it's right here on the right ----> of this page. It's called "Cannonball in My Pool". It really came from a dark place within. I hope you enjoy it.




I bowled a 210 yesterday in the Hambones win over Bowling with Scissors.

HAMBONES!!!

Hey.

This morning on "Wake Up with Cosmo Radio" (Sirius Satellite Radio's ch. 111---We're on everyday) were the first annual Pregnant Olympics!

Host Taylor and I ran the gauntlet. Pregnant gymnastics, Pregnant Dance-off, barefoot and pregnant foot race up stairs, and so much more.....

I thought you should know.

And if you are a Sirius subscriber and want to hear it, the show will re-air this Saturday and perhaps even Labor Day.

We shot a video for it and we should have some good pics soon.

(I feel like abbreviating pictures to pics automatically makes them sound filthy.."Hey mom...send pics"...nasty.)


So yeah..."Wake Up with Cosmo Radio w/Taylor, Kenny and Victoria" ---that's what its called.


thanks