Thursday, January 04, 2007

Mysterious object crashes through house?!

Hmmm, I've seen this kind of thing before....

Today, I woke up with a mission. I wanted to build a fort. Remember? I wanted to build a fort made of blankets. I used every blanket in the house to build it. I connected the couch to the t.v. with a nice fleece throw blanket and used pillows and sneakers and speaker stands to weigh it down (hold the fort down). It was a secure.

But then I got really into it. I started to pretend that my fort was kind of like an Abu Grahib detention center. I pretended that piles of clothes were my prisoners. (because they stink!) My cat Steve and I became guards of the fort. Im not sure about this, but I think Steve mistreated some of the prisoners. At one point he was standing on top of one of them and doing that kneeding thing that cats for some reason really enjoy, you know. If you interrupt him, he hisses. So I let him finish. Then I help the prisoner back into his pile. I realized Steve was right. These piles of clothes were scum. In fact, they would hurt us if they could. So I got my jumper cables from my Jeep and Steve was in sole patrol (yeah Taylor hicks!) of the fort. I came back and attached the cables to one of the prisoners (a bunch of socks). I hooked the cables up to a battery on one end, and where I think the prisoners balls were on the other end.

Now the fort is in full swing, weve got isolation chambers (not the kind used in t.v. game shows) but like the hole. The place where bad prisoners go. As opposed to all those good prisoners. Anyway, I started to gently shock one of the prisoners and he caught on fire. Steve went A.W.O.L. and hid behind the toilet. I yelled "dont abandon this fort you pussy!" Which was basically like saying nothing at all. Calling cats pussies is like someone calling you human. Dont abandon this fort you human. You tantalizing delicious human. What I'm saying is it had no effect. Steve left anyway.

Now, I'm alone in the fort while one prisoner is totally ablaze and now the roof of sector 3 (leopard blanket) goes up in flames and I realize Im going to lose this fort. The hell I am! I grab the flaming prisoner and throw him in the water hole (Kenmore washing machine) and attend to the fort. So the situation is very much in control now. But, I've learned running a fort is difficult.

That's all pillows.