Tuesday, April 28, 2009

पुनिशिंग म्य्सेल्फ़...

I was on the Jumbotron twice at the Mets game on Sunday.

I also dropped a foul ball.

My father was at the game sitting 13 rows back. When I dropped the ball my father called my cell and was like "I hate you."

So please allow me to punishment myself for dropping my first chance at catching a foul ball.

Here is a video shot of me getting a pedicure. (the editing is a bit choppy it seems)

dah.....that happened.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

अल वर्क एंड नो Sleep

Today I would like to write a letter to my cat Steve.

This is him:


Hey buddy, thanks for reading this. Last night, the most sleep I could have gotten was 3 hours and 20 mins. And you know I get up early. As soon as I began to fall asleep, you started with your "Helwo...helwo....helwooooo" over and over again. This prevented me from sleeping. And Steve, I am having a rough day.
I feed you and provide you shelter and I've clipped your nails! I can't even think of something I thought I'd never do. Clip a cat's nails??? Give cats pedicures? And I don't even like cats buddy. How to keep you quiet???

I've looked in to getting you a cat muzzle. And here is its (pic is real)

This is real buddy. Please respect me. Stop scratching at night, stop helwo-ing.


your dad (and master) (and owner)

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Silly Girls in the News

Silly girls:

Miss. woman gets shot in the head but makes tea

She's going to survive.

And this---

Ohio teacher took students to strip club

Female teacher. Male strip club.

Oh and Madonna fell off a horse.

Monday, April 13, 2009

पोलर अत्ताक्क्स Woman

Ploar Bear attacks woman at the Berlin Zoo.

She jumped in with them?! During feeding time...Here's a pic (SCARY):

Oh my GOD!
sorry for posting that, but it was the first thing I saw this morning.

If today is not going well, recall this image.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Brawl at Wake!

Woman with beer can in hand starts brawl at wake

This story is amazing...It was a brawl.

"The first woman then allegedly grabbed a man by the face, leaving scratch marks on his lower right cheek and causing him to bleed. The man's mother, then allegedly slapped the woman and kicked another woman in the chest."

A man's mom kicked a woman in the chest. At a funeral. Unreal. This woman was just at the funeral. She went from sitting at a wake to kicking a woman in the chest. I've never kicked a woman in the chest in my entire life and probably never will. Probably.

To instinctively dropkick is the stuff dreams are made of. In fact, in an older post we celebrated the dropkick inventor's birthday:

The dropkick!

Was invented by this guy:

Abe Coleman.

Let that one marinate.



there's more:

"A sheriff's report claimed the woman with the beer became "passively aggressive" with deputies and said that "no backwood country cop" was going to take her to jail."

Backwood country cops don't take women who start fights at funerals to jail???

What exactly is a backwood country cop? I google-imaged it:

Uh...that was a waste of time. Don't do it.

Sorry I have no picture...Here's a drawing of Zeus:

I hope you're doing ok.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Prohibited Piercing

A Long Island Teenager Arrested For Illegal Body Piercing

I guess he was piercing underage kids.

They charged him with two counts of "prohibited piercing".

Can we just look at some people who really should've been arrested for prohibited piercing? (sick name for a band).

uh...warning. These pictures are disgusting:

I met her through Eharmony.com

I think this guy was a substitue teacher at my high school

Holy shit. This next picture is incredibly disturbing to me:


Come on! I just threw up. Disgusting. What brain synapse has to fail in order for you to think you have to start looking like a cat?

Oh my god. I would punch this lady. Sorry. I'm just that scared. Imagine seeing this on the street. She's walking right toward you. You're about to pass each other and you start to see that she looks a real cat-beast man woman. GGAAAH! I can't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you ever looked at that. We can never go back. You cannot erase that...Let me move down.

I don't think I want to keep looking at these pictures:

Damn. I'm not judging, but it looks so uncomfortable. Can you eat cereal and stuff?

Imagine you were on the couch sitting up watching TV and this guy was sitting next to you. Watching TV. Not moving. Just staring at the screen.

And then he would slowly turn his head and just stare at you.

Your heart would start to race. And the rattling of his face rings would send a chill down your spine. And you'd remember the time you got bit by your neighbor Sean's dog hard on the arm. You'd quickly think of the jingling of that dog's collar and think for a moment that the thing you are watching Mythbusters with is going to eat you alive. You'd scream.

And this happy guy, who to me kind of looks like Heath Ledger's Joker a little, would be so hurt that you didn't trust him because he has a lot of rings on his face. He eyes would tear up at the way your face couldn't hide the fact that you look at him like he is decaying right in front of you.

You'd feel bad.

And you'd bravely kiss him to stop his crying. That's scary shit.

I had an earring in 6th grade. I was chubby, wearing purple Z Cavaricci pants and a sweatshirt that said "Just Surfin'" written all over it.

Okay---- feels like there was just a little earthquake in NYC.