Tuesday, May 20, 2008



Tonight at Rififi in NYC is a brand new "FAT TUESDAY".

I have a great lineup for the show tonight:

Jon Friedman!

Greg Johnson. More beards!

Joe Mande!

Every Tuesday at 8pm at Rififi.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Monday, May 12, 2008



Thursday, May 08, 2008

Man finds check from 1971 after Tornadoes

The check was for 1.50 and it was already cashed. Sorry if I ruined that entire story for you. Did I?

Someone actually got assigned to go and report on this story.


"You there in the back, go report on this mysterious check a man found after his entire town was ripped to shreds. Go go! And take that fern with you!"


Where is this picture from? What kind of meeting is this? Notice how giant the foreheads are of the two ladies on the left. Huge. "Helen, please borrow Mindy's navy blue head wrap and cover your entire forehead. It's distracting the guy across from you in the turtleneck. (Who actually also has an enormous forehead)"


Also, ooh..there is someone hiding behind the door!! See? It's like a guy facing the wall.

Welp, glad I figured out the mystery behind the curious events of this random 1982 meeting of beverage loving giant-foreheaded people.

AAAAAHHHHH! What? That's very big

Christina Ricci is the next "REAL ALIEN".



Wait a second. My forehead is very big. Dah! And why would I ever choose to make that face?

"What's your name?"

Can you bone shave a forehead?

Monday, May 05, 2008

There's a story on CNN online today about a pirate takeover of a ship.


Not at all.

You may complain about your job, but at least you never sit at your desk and get hijacked by pirates for ransom.

Am I right?

Tom Cruise celebrated 25 years of acting on Oprah Monday afternoon.

I watched it. I had no choice.

Audience members were able to ask Tom Cruise Mapother some questions. One woman asked "What is the perfect day for you when you are not working or spending time with your family?"

Tom's answer..."Spending time with my kids"

This is a real headline from today's news:

"Police: Motorcyclist flipped bird, popped wheelie, crashed"

Really? Did he really crash?

So this devil motorbike operator gave police the finger and then did a wheelie and crashed?????????

Why? That headline is very police friendly.

"Police: Guy stuck out tongue, jay-walked, and head-butted bullet."

"Police: Guy screams profanity, takes seatbelt off, uses ass to steal police baton"

That's a stretch. (not a play on words)


talk soon,


Friday, May 02, 2008

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

It's May.

Dinosaur dung sells at NYC auction for nearly $1,000.

That's it.

One thousand dollars?

"Now let's go buy some dinosaur shit!"

I'm not sure I can spend $1000 on a piece of crap.

How awesome would that dinosaur feel when when he found out that a piece of his poo was worth $1000 dollars? I was thinking that if an old business man came up to me and said "Boy, I'll give you $1000 dollars if you go to the bathroom and let me keep it."


Howie Mandel gave me advice about stand-up comedy once. I was doing a show in Boston and he came up to me after the show.

"Hey kid. Can I give you some advice?"

"Yes, please."

"Put a condom over your head and blow it up like a baloon with your nose."

Yeah that dinosaur must have been like looking down at he ground talking to himself/herself "Yup. someday that's gonna be worth a thousand dollars."

HA. Hilarious dinosaurs. (what?)

see you soon