Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Thunder Maxims and Arrows

I'm always more inclined to give money to homeless guys with beautiful eyes.
"Umm, almost Buddy. I nearly got my wallet out simply because you look like a filthy Paul Newman"

People with no noses scare the shit out of me.

You know what feels absolutely terrible? Eating while crying.

I'll never play in the NBA. The NFL. The WNBA. (does anyone really play in that? kidding. calm the fuck down) The PGA...maybe. I'll never fuck Vivica A. Fox. Ever.
Not on purpose. Just wont happen.

GrapeNuts are too crunchy! It feels like I'm off-roading in my mouth. I don't want to eat any food that makes me feel like my jaw needs shocks.

Coughing makes me want to shoot myself in the face.

Wheelchair! The musical.

Do you think a recent NBA drafted player for Denver is ever like, "Fuck no! I'm not gonna be no damn Nugget! The Nuggets? Are you serious. I have to be a Nugget?"

Not an intimidating name. The Nuggets. "Uh-oh. The Nuggets are here. No! Not the Nuggets!".

I've met more than one person in my life who has a piece of lead pencil in their arm permanently"

Remember when Wendy's Dave Thomas died? Where were you? Never forget.

I do a get a bit bothered by the 9-11 paraphernalia that says never forget. I'm always like, "I won't. Believe me."

I always picture little guys working in my body, making it function. They have hard hats on and little tiny walkey talkies. And anytime something goes wrong they are just going crazy.

"Yes! It's just liquid and it keeps coming! I don't know what they hell is going on, but I can't stop it!! No Terry's not here today. He's in the saliva factory today. Are the checks in today?"