Deaf Children Area







This club smelled horrible when the show started. Cesspool-like. You understand.

Bad Smell in club

I Hate Frogs.

I hate frogs.

I like living in NYC because there are no frogs. I hate them because for some reason my brain tells me that I am afraid of them. Why? Why am I afraid of frogs? I'm not afraid of poison from frogs or anything like that. I am fearful of their moves and how not normal it is to hop around. So unpredictable. And sometimes they land on you and just hang out on you. I avoid them. I don't like to see them. You understand.


Here's how it happened. I was riding bikes one day with my friend Bobby around my neighborhood. Selden, NY. Long Island.




I got that map from a paper diner menu.

Bobby was a tiny kid. Like a freak bald at 11, firecracker-lovin, fetal alcohol-syndrome, swearing, cigarette smoking doosh. We were riding on the road right behind the construction for the new Selden Home Depot!

We stopped on our bikes and noticed the streets were flooded with little tiny toads. Millions. There were so many they were just spilling in to the sewer drains. And we had been riding over them for a few blocks and didn't noticed.

My Dyno was covered in pieces of frog.


*not mine..but looks just like it.


I panicked. I started pedaling hard and just ditched Bobby. Bye freak. Frog pieces were cascading down all around me. Hitting me on my back. "Is this how I am going to die?"- I thought. "Yes." - I also thought.


I made it home.

I left my bike in the driveway.

Every year, the frogs got bigger and bigger and stronger and stronger. So did I. Well, I got bigger and a little softer. Here is a pic of me during puberty:


But I was still terrified about these frogs. I hated cutting the grass, swimming in the pool (you'd have to check the filter for dead frogs), walking around the TWO FROG PONDS MY PARENTS PUT IN! --

They knew of my fear and still built TWO frog ponds.

"Oh, you're afraid of bears? Well, we built a Grizzly sanctuary in your bathroom."

"Oh, you're afraid flying? We moved in to a plane."

"Oh, you're afraid of your Dad? He lives here everyday. Wait, no he doesn't, you're fine."

I'm fine.

Frogs have been in every place I have ever lived in. Not anymore. Thank you NYC.




I'd kill myself!!!


If it rained frogs on me. Again.

My family always took the fear as a joke. I will never do that to my kids. I will nurture their fears. Help them to help them grow. I respect their fears. If my kid is afraid of monsters under the bed. I will hire my friends to hide under there. I will pay them to stay until around three a.m., when my kid son is at his loneliest. Then, my buddy...probably Greg, will shake the bed and groan and chant. Real chanting though. Not some junior varsity bullshit. Three weeks of legitimate chanting lessons will lead up to this. I will take my kid's fear seriously. And invest in them for the future.

The fear my child will feel will be real, genuine and I will not scoff at it. Too many parents make this mistake.





Come on!

I found this. Could barely watch it.

I could barley watch it. (that's a funny word mistake to make)

"I could barley watch that video about the history of beer"

"I could barely believe I am friends with you"



Can't believe you read this.


Info on chanting here.


thanks

FISH SANDWICH CHALLENGE!!!!


I am aggressively seeking information and sampling every fish sandwich I can from national chains. I'd like to rank them by Friday....


If you know any good ones...email me ken.zimlinghaus@gmail.com

That's right. Ken.


Thanks

La. police arrest growling man on drug charges.




I wish I had the balls to growl at the police. I got nervous once driving around in a convertible once when I saw a cop.

Hello. So this video is so incredibly inside. But I dont know what its the inside of, however you maaaaay like it.






That's my buddy Greg Johnson. Sometimes our friend Dave calls him Craig Johnstone.

But, thats Dave, you know? Just nailin it...always.

Woman struck by errant arrow in the Bronx


End of Days!






He shot this from Jersey.

Okay. Great. Hello.

Lot's going on.


Lexington Kentucky is a wonderful place. I took some video and will get is up ASAP.




Be right back.

Hey.


I'm in Lexington KY this week. Its a VERY nice place. Everyone (and every Ron) is very friendly and all of that.


And I think it's inspired this whistling I was able to blast out this morning. I had to record it. The recording sounds breathy, but I assure you it was crisp and clear. I think its the Lexington air quality that helps the flow.

One thing you will notice is at the very end of the whistle I let out an "ooh.." that is very genuine. I had to share it.


Thank you Kentucky!


It's called "The Lexington Whistle" (its just a practice session so remember that before you send me death threats) and its on the player on the side of my page.





Have a good day.


kenny

Lexington KY starting tomorrow night!!!! until sat. Comedy OFF Broadway


Here's a old throw back post: (because I am lazy)



Hi.

a little pre-note* - Wikipedia has the listing for hockey player Mark Messier this way:

Mark John Douglas Messier (born January 18, 1961, in Edmonton, Alberta) is a former ice hockey centreman of the National Hockey League. He spent a quarter of a century in the NHL (1979-2004) with the Edmonton Oilers, New York Rangers, and Vancouver Canucks. He also played professionally with the World Hockey Association's Indianapolis Racers and Cincinnati Stingers. At the time of his retirement, he was the last former WHA player still active in professional hockey, as well as the last active player who had played in the NHL in the 1970s.

----------------------------------


So, if you din't know of him, now maybe you do. That being read, I found this pic:




it's Gary Coleman and Mark Messier drinking a Red Stripe and laughing. AND and and and and...

I think you can see Messier's testicle! DAAAAH!








What led to this situation? It's like a joke.

"Okay, so Gary Coleman is standing next to Mark Messier who is in a towel and drinking a Red Stripe laughing.

Gary says "hey Mark, can you sign this for me?"

Then Messier says, "hey look at this!" and he points to his testicle which has popped out of his children's beach towel.

"Can you sign this for me?" Then he spits beer in Coleman's face.

AHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHAH! - (is not the response this joke would get)


I love that I spent time paintbrushing a NY Rangers Blue square around Mark Messier's testicle. And it looks like something Perez Hilton would do.

I guess even worse is that I thought finding the picture was important enough to tell you and work optical picture computer science to make a square around his ball.


Have a great day.

CHAMPIONS!!!!


THE HAMBONES ARE #1! (That excitement on my face is real..I'm making an X)



That's right. These are the Hambones NYC bowling squad. And we are the champs.

Yesterday, the Hambones fought a grueling match against Nightman Cometh to clinch our undefeated season and become The 2009 champions.

The team bowled amazing as a unit. Most impressive was Vanessa Hambone killing it with a 166!!!



Vanessa is on the left.



Enjoy 2009 Hambones! And everyone else of course.


thank you for reading this. And I hope the Hambones victory can inspire you to do what seems impossible! Win a bowling league.



Kentucky this week. Lexington. Let's do it!

Monday. And its a good one!!!

My bowling team, THE HAMBONES, just won the championship yesterday!!!

Big update to come later...with pics!!! (I know you're ridiuclously excited)






later on...