Get a haircut, buddy.
Or maybe a different type of pizza dough to put on your head.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
This Sunday night...CASHMONKEY Returns!
With nothing short of a ridiculous lineup:
Leo Allen. Lovely creature.
Eric Andre Hilarious.
and Finalist for the Andy Kaufman Award:
Mike Dobbins
Plus:
David Lee Nelson
AND:
Rob Shapiro
Jeez.
Hosted by Myself and Dave Rosinsky, bro.
Sunday night at 8pm even though Timeout New York says it's at 9.
At Rififi NYC!
Sweet.
With nothing short of a ridiculous lineup:
Leo Allen. Lovely creature.
Eric Andre Hilarious.
and Finalist for the Andy Kaufman Award:
Mike Dobbins
Plus:
David Lee Nelson
AND:
Rob Shapiro
Jeez.
Hosted by Myself and Dave Rosinsky, bro.
Sunday night at 8pm even though Timeout New York says it's at 9.
At Rififi NYC!
Sweet.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
Sorry.
I feel:
And..................
I also feel:
"SACK DROP!"
Ohhhhh! Nice move kid. You know where the boy learned that move from?
The Sack Drop master himself:
Snuka.
------------
I'm excited baseball is back and going again......
I'm a Mets fan. But, you know who I am not a fan of?
This guy:
Mr. Met?!
That's our mascot? A ball? A baseball head?
"But, the other team wants to bash him!"
He is not itimidating at all.
A dancing baseball head human.
Well, at least we have a good fight song.
"Meet the Mets. Meet the Mets. Everybody step right up and, greet the Mets."
Here are the lyrics to the entire song: (written by Ruth Roberts and Bill Katz)
MEET THE METS,
MEET THE METS,
Step right up and greet the Mets!
Bring your kiddies,
bring your wife;
(Wait. This song is only for married guys with families?)
Guaranteed to have the time of your life
because the Mets are really sockin’ the ball (well, go ahead now...sock it!)
; knocking those home runs over the wall!
East side,
West side,
everybody’d coming down
to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York town!
(Hmmm....not sure when anyone referred to New York City as New York town...maybe when things were the cat's pajamas....doin the 23 ska-doo.....)
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the streets, (yeah, see if you can see your butcher at Shea Staium next time you're there)
where did they go? To MEET THE METS! (society has been shut down, no businesses in operation, it's Marshall Law. Why? Because everyone went to meet the Mets!)
Oh, they’re hollerin’ and cheerin’ and they’re jumpin’ in their seats,
where did they go? To MEET THE METS!
All the fans are tru to the orange and blue,
so hurry up and come on down -
‘cause we’ve got ourselves a ball club,
The Mets of New York town!
Give ‘em a yell!
Give ‘em a hand!
And let ‘em know your rootin’ in the stand!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But that's still not that bad. I got a little emo during the reading the second verse. Especially, "all fans are tru..." and "we've got ourselves a ball club".
They are both moving lines.
"Trust"
I met Dan Marino once.
Yeah, this guy:
He was in Atlantic City doing this promotional thing with Joe Montana, Johnny Unitas and John Elway. It was called, "An Evening with Legends"
Do you think John Elway would've done the same thing with his life if his name was, "Herm Nerdlegerger"?
We got there late. I was with My stepfather, Ray, buddy and sports guy at the time, Big Jim and this other crazy guy, John.
We were all boozed up, they were raffling off prizes when we got there and if they pulled your name they would throw you an autographed ball. The room was full of really old people.
They pull a guys name. "Herm Nerdlegerger?" No no no. And this old man gets up and is like, "okay, right here, can you still throw it?"
Elway reaches back and guns this ball straight at the old man. It has so much force it starts to rise. The old man throws his arms up to catch it. And he does. And it nearly carries him through the wall.
These QB's were pissed and throwing rockets. People were afraid to claim their prize for fear of having their sternums broken from these NFL quarterbacks. At this point, Big Jim leaves. He was bored. He was the sports guy on a morning radio show?! Hilarious.
We waited two hours to get a picture with them (I have it, and I need to scan it)
and afterwards I ran to the bathroom and Marino walked in behind me.
I was like, "I can't believe you sat up there that long".
He says, "You'll never see that again. Trust me. You'll never see that shit again."
Yeesh.
Sorry, man. I trust you. I trust you, Dan Marino.
I felt bad for him. He had to sit and answer questions from old people and throw commerative footballs at them. Poor guy. That's like a guy walking in the bathroom and being like, "That was the worst blowjob ever! Absolutely horrendous. Trust me, I ain't doin' that shit again".
And,
"Ladies and Gentlemen,...Herm Nerdlegerger!"
Good luck getting those 8 minutes back.
Z
I feel:
And..................
I also feel:
"SACK DROP!"
Ohhhhh! Nice move kid. You know where the boy learned that move from?
The Sack Drop master himself:
Snuka.
------------
I'm excited baseball is back and going again......
I'm a Mets fan. But, you know who I am not a fan of?
This guy:
Mr. Met?!
That's our mascot? A ball? A baseball head?
"But, the other team wants to bash him!"
He is not itimidating at all.
A dancing baseball head human.
Well, at least we have a good fight song.
"Meet the Mets. Meet the Mets. Everybody step right up and, greet the Mets."
Here are the lyrics to the entire song: (written by Ruth Roberts and Bill Katz)
MEET THE METS,
MEET THE METS,
Step right up and greet the Mets!
Bring your kiddies,
bring your wife;
(Wait. This song is only for married guys with families?)
Guaranteed to have the time of your life
because the Mets are really sockin’ the ball (well, go ahead now...sock it!)
; knocking those home runs over the wall!
East side,
West side,
everybody’d coming down
to meet the M-E-T-S Mets of New York town!
(Hmmm....not sure when anyone referred to New York City as New York town...maybe when things were the cat's pajamas....doin the 23 ska-doo.....)
Oh, the butcher and the baker and the people on the streets, (yeah, see if you can see your butcher at Shea Staium next time you're there)
where did they go? To MEET THE METS! (society has been shut down, no businesses in operation, it's Marshall Law. Why? Because everyone went to meet the Mets!)
Oh, they’re hollerin’ and cheerin’ and they’re jumpin’ in their seats,
where did they go? To MEET THE METS!
All the fans are tru to the orange and blue,
so hurry up and come on down -
‘cause we’ve got ourselves a ball club,
The Mets of New York town!
Give ‘em a yell!
Give ‘em a hand!
And let ‘em know your rootin’ in the stand!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
But that's still not that bad. I got a little emo during the reading the second verse. Especially, "all fans are tru..." and "we've got ourselves a ball club".
They are both moving lines.
"Trust"
I met Dan Marino once.
Yeah, this guy:
He was in Atlantic City doing this promotional thing with Joe Montana, Johnny Unitas and John Elway. It was called, "An Evening with Legends"
Do you think John Elway would've done the same thing with his life if his name was, "Herm Nerdlegerger"?
We got there late. I was with My stepfather, Ray, buddy and sports guy at the time, Big Jim and this other crazy guy, John.
We were all boozed up, they were raffling off prizes when we got there and if they pulled your name they would throw you an autographed ball. The room was full of really old people.
They pull a guys name. "Herm Nerdlegerger?" No no no. And this old man gets up and is like, "okay, right here, can you still throw it?"
Elway reaches back and guns this ball straight at the old man. It has so much force it starts to rise. The old man throws his arms up to catch it. And he does. And it nearly carries him through the wall.
These QB's were pissed and throwing rockets. People were afraid to claim their prize for fear of having their sternums broken from these NFL quarterbacks. At this point, Big Jim leaves. He was bored. He was the sports guy on a morning radio show?! Hilarious.
We waited two hours to get a picture with them (I have it, and I need to scan it)
and afterwards I ran to the bathroom and Marino walked in behind me.
I was like, "I can't believe you sat up there that long".
He says, "You'll never see that again. Trust me. You'll never see that shit again."
Yeesh.
Sorry, man. I trust you. I trust you, Dan Marino.
I felt bad for him. He had to sit and answer questions from old people and throw commerative footballs at them. Poor guy. That's like a guy walking in the bathroom and being like, "That was the worst blowjob ever! Absolutely horrendous. Trust me, I ain't doin' that shit again".
And,
"Ladies and Gentlemen,...Herm Nerdlegerger!"
Good luck getting those 8 minutes back.
Z
Current Events, Yeah. (if you read on, sorry, today suuuucks)
But first, this:
Falkor. The luck Dragon.
Now, current events:
Keith Richard's snorted his father's ashes????
Wow. Rock n Roll. Huh? The real way.
He also trashes some new bands in this interview, like Artic Monkeys, Libertines...
Why do older people feel they need to shit on the youth? Jealousy? Last night I went to Carnegie to watch three "all-state" high school orchestras perform. Sick.
You're like, "Wait. You went? How the hell did you get tickets?! What the hell? Call me next time. You know how much I love John Philip Sousa!"
Anyshit,
These kids were young, on the Carnegie Hall stage, and amazing. They were totally unaware of just how good they sound, and how moving it was. Whatever. Sorry. I'm just saying, youth is by far, one of the greatest strengths we have as a race. Human race, not Aryan.
Old people give young people shit non-stop. We are supposed to be better. Or else we would all die. right?
You can't be making significant progress in the world if this is the phone you need.
Doctors. Everyone trusts an old doctor. I don't.
Think of all the shit young students have to learn nowadays.
You can go to this young up-to-date well versed on all advancements and procedures doctor, or you can go to a guy who wants to let your cold "bleed".
This movie was all wrong. J. Fox would have been a much better doctor than the old man. Remember that scene where Doc wanted to operate on a kid, but the old school guy gave him a coke and the kid burped and surgery was avoided?
Yeah...Would've never happened. Ever. J. Fox would've known if the kid needed a coke or not.
Anyway, Keith Richards snorted his cremated father's ashes???!!!
That's just schtupid. That's soooo rock N' Roll. What would be next?
Would like G.G.Allin grind up his pops into a powder then rub it on his geni's on stage? (geni is in no way a reference to the late Richard Jeni, it's the proper way to say, "balls")
This is silly. More news....
Keeping it OLD.
Fired Worker Takes Hostages at Nursing Home.
Not much here. This guy was pissed he lost his job, so he forced eveyrone to let him work one more day. Now he's in prison.
And.
A woman was charged with a DUI while riding on a horse drunk.
Really?
This was terrible. Lo siento.
Okay. later.
kenny
But first, this:
Falkor. The luck Dragon.
Now, current events:
Keith Richard's snorted his father's ashes????
Wow. Rock n Roll. Huh? The real way.
He also trashes some new bands in this interview, like Artic Monkeys, Libertines...
Why do older people feel they need to shit on the youth? Jealousy? Last night I went to Carnegie to watch three "all-state" high school orchestras perform. Sick.
You're like, "Wait. You went? How the hell did you get tickets?! What the hell? Call me next time. You know how much I love John Philip Sousa!"
Anyshit,
These kids were young, on the Carnegie Hall stage, and amazing. They were totally unaware of just how good they sound, and how moving it was. Whatever. Sorry. I'm just saying, youth is by far, one of the greatest strengths we have as a race. Human race, not Aryan.
Old people give young people shit non-stop. We are supposed to be better. Or else we would all die. right?
You can't be making significant progress in the world if this is the phone you need.
Doctors. Everyone trusts an old doctor. I don't.
Think of all the shit young students have to learn nowadays.
You can go to this young up-to-date well versed on all advancements and procedures doctor, or you can go to a guy who wants to let your cold "bleed".
This movie was all wrong. J. Fox would have been a much better doctor than the old man. Remember that scene where Doc wanted to operate on a kid, but the old school guy gave him a coke and the kid burped and surgery was avoided?
Yeah...Would've never happened. Ever. J. Fox would've known if the kid needed a coke or not.
Anyway, Keith Richards snorted his cremated father's ashes???!!!
That's just schtupid. That's soooo rock N' Roll. What would be next?
Would like G.G.Allin grind up his pops into a powder then rub it on his geni's on stage? (geni is in no way a reference to the late Richard Jeni, it's the proper way to say, "balls")
This is silly. More news....
Keeping it OLD.
Fired Worker Takes Hostages at Nursing Home.
Not much here. This guy was pissed he lost his job, so he forced eveyrone to let him work one more day. Now he's in prison.
And.
A woman was charged with a DUI while riding on a horse drunk.
Really?
This was terrible. Lo siento.
Okay. later.
kenny
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The Last Dragon.
SICK!
I noticed today that its harder to walk past a homeless guy with beautiful eyes and not give him money. I always think twice, like, "Hmmm....he seems in a tough place", simply based on the fact that he looks like a filthy
Paul Newman.
This links to Heaven.
Schtupid.
KURRENT EVENTS:
KFC worker and her son stage robbery.
Awesome! This story is gonna be sweet!
"Mother and son come up with a plan to rob a major fast food chain? What was their plan? Did they hide in the rafters and wait til close and paint their faces camo and synchronize their watches?"
No.
The mother told the son to punch her in the face.
Nice plan.
She told the cops the robber punched her in the face while she was changing a tire.?????!!! Really?! You were just changing a tire and someone came and punched you in the face? Was it AAA?
And how exactly did that help out with the robbery? I mean this guy must have been pretty thorough to start laying people out in the parking lot. He started punching as soon as he left his house.
He punched this kid as soon as he got to the bottom of his driveway.
Then.....
He jumps these guys. KFC was still two miles away.
Look at these guys. The Left Arm Jacket Hangin Crew.
That guy on the left is hiding a surpsrise behinid his brief case.
His attache case.
Whatever.
Next?
Oh, I just saw this. Yeesh!
700 lb. Woman trapped inside her home.
How many of these things are going to happen in our lifetime? Doesn't this seem like not that rare of an occasion? Remember, Walter Hudson? The fifth most obese person in human history. He only got 5th place. But he had a situation where a "morbidly obese" person gets "trapped" inside their house?
What was going on when she weighed 580lbs.? Was she like, "yep. no problems here. I can still clear the doorway, got a good 1/2 inch on my left and my right...more meat". How come nobody helps these people? Food is obviously addictive. If you had a friend and they started to push 400lbs. wouldn't you at least be like, "Hey Jeff, you're huge! I mean you are so fucking huge. What do you weigh? 400?!!! 400? Are you serious?"
But to have to get your upstairs window cut out of the framework of your home so that you can leave and go get help must be a little tough to do. Construction work has to be done on your house before you can leave.
"I feel like going out"
"Okay, we'll reinforce the sidewalk so it doesn't explode underneath you".
I know I'll be that huge one day. Hopefully.
What? No I don't.
I learned this the other day. When you are chatting over the computer about your friend Jesus (pronounced "Hey Zeus"), be careful not to trash talk him, and if you do, log out of your chat.
Someone read my chat:
Me: what's the deal with Jesus? Why didn't he show up?
Other person: I dunno.
Me: Can't rely on Jesus. What a fuckin jerk. He never shows up when he says he will.
OP: I know, kind of sucks.
Me: I'm done with Jesus. Fuck em. Sorry. This time he went too far.
Imagine reading that and picturing this guy?:
Makes me feel bad.
So I now refer to my friend as Hey Zeus. All the time.
HEY:
He looks like a Thundercat.
Later.
zimlinghaus
SICK!
I noticed today that its harder to walk past a homeless guy with beautiful eyes and not give him money. I always think twice, like, "Hmmm....he seems in a tough place", simply based on the fact that he looks like a filthy
Paul Newman.
This links to Heaven.
Schtupid.
KURRENT EVENTS:
KFC worker and her son stage robbery.
Awesome! This story is gonna be sweet!
"Mother and son come up with a plan to rob a major fast food chain? What was their plan? Did they hide in the rafters and wait til close and paint their faces camo and synchronize their watches?"
No.
The mother told the son to punch her in the face.
Nice plan.
She told the cops the robber punched her in the face while she was changing a tire.?????!!! Really?! You were just changing a tire and someone came and punched you in the face? Was it AAA?
And how exactly did that help out with the robbery? I mean this guy must have been pretty thorough to start laying people out in the parking lot. He started punching as soon as he left his house.
He punched this kid as soon as he got to the bottom of his driveway.
Then.....
He jumps these guys. KFC was still two miles away.
Look at these guys. The Left Arm Jacket Hangin Crew.
That guy on the left is hiding a surpsrise behinid his brief case.
His attache case.
Whatever.
Next?
Oh, I just saw this. Yeesh!
700 lb. Woman trapped inside her home.
How many of these things are going to happen in our lifetime? Doesn't this seem like not that rare of an occasion? Remember, Walter Hudson? The fifth most obese person in human history. He only got 5th place. But he had a situation where a "morbidly obese" person gets "trapped" inside their house?
What was going on when she weighed 580lbs.? Was she like, "yep. no problems here. I can still clear the doorway, got a good 1/2 inch on my left and my right...more meat". How come nobody helps these people? Food is obviously addictive. If you had a friend and they started to push 400lbs. wouldn't you at least be like, "Hey Jeff, you're huge! I mean you are so fucking huge. What do you weigh? 400?!!! 400? Are you serious?"
But to have to get your upstairs window cut out of the framework of your home so that you can leave and go get help must be a little tough to do. Construction work has to be done on your house before you can leave.
"I feel like going out"
"Okay, we'll reinforce the sidewalk so it doesn't explode underneath you".
I know I'll be that huge one day. Hopefully.
What? No I don't.
I learned this the other day. When you are chatting over the computer about your friend Jesus (pronounced "Hey Zeus"), be careful not to trash talk him, and if you do, log out of your chat.
Someone read my chat:
Me: what's the deal with Jesus? Why didn't he show up?
Other person: I dunno.
Me: Can't rely on Jesus. What a fuckin jerk. He never shows up when he says he will.
OP: I know, kind of sucks.
Me: I'm done with Jesus. Fuck em. Sorry. This time he went too far.
Imagine reading that and picturing this guy?:
Makes me feel bad.
So I now refer to my friend as Hey Zeus. All the time.
HEY:
He looks like a Thundercat.
Later.
zimlinghaus
Monday, April 02, 2007
UPDATE!!!!!
For those of you that check this on a regular basis, first off, thank you. And I get some messages, more now than ever asking "why the hell aren't you posting more stuff, are you just freakin lazy?!" Short answer, "Yes". Long answer, "Yes"
Hopefully soon, before June, which is that date of Charleston's Spoletto, this blaag can co-exist with a daily podcast of just "Current Event's w/Kenny". People in Charleston you may remember this bit before your radio's started to spew nothing but shit out of them.
How terrible is radio right now in Charleston?
It's this terrible.
I like some of it. I think Tom Bolt is passionate, and loves what he does, so that makes for a good show. But, "Free Sticks and and Douchehounds", or whatever the name of that show is, C'mon!.
So, anyway, please keep sending me messages of what you like and don't, I don't care either way.
Anyway June 4th is opening night for "Skinny White Comics"
I'm hosting! Should be sick. Last year, they sold out every single show to rave reviews!!!
The headliner is Tom Shillue from comedy Central. Very funny.
So get tickets for that soon. Well, they don't go on sale until next week or so. I'd hate for anyone to miss out. Plus, its at a great venue too. Physician's auditorium. Sweet.
Alright...so...uh.......I guess I'll get going......
For those of you that check this on a regular basis, first off, thank you. And I get some messages, more now than ever asking "why the hell aren't you posting more stuff, are you just freakin lazy?!" Short answer, "Yes". Long answer, "Yes"
Hopefully soon, before June, which is that date of Charleston's Spoletto, this blaag can co-exist with a daily podcast of just "Current Event's w/Kenny". People in Charleston you may remember this bit before your radio's started to spew nothing but shit out of them.
How terrible is radio right now in Charleston?
It's this terrible.
I like some of it. I think Tom Bolt is passionate, and loves what he does, so that makes for a good show. But, "Free Sticks and and Douchehounds", or whatever the name of that show is, C'mon!.
So, anyway, please keep sending me messages of what you like and don't, I don't care either way.
Anyway June 4th is opening night for "Skinny White Comics"
I'm hosting! Should be sick. Last year, they sold out every single show to rave reviews!!!
The headliner is Tom Shillue from comedy Central. Very funny.
So get tickets for that soon. Well, they don't go on sale until next week or so. I'd hate for anyone to miss out. Plus, its at a great venue too. Physician's auditorium. Sweet.
Alright...so...uh.......I guess I'll get going......
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